SOLOIST

One Sunday morning, JC was getting himself ready for the day, he was looking into the mirror and finishing up his shave when he heard the most sickening, ear-splitting screech coming from across the house. It was a cross between nails grated on a chalkboard and someone dragging a bastard file across the edge of a piece of glass. Whatever it was, even the razor suddenly seem like it had cracked.

He didn't hear Mattie shriek so he first thought that everything must either be under control, but then, Mattie could also have become incapacitated, or worse. He decided that it would be a good idea to check it out, just in case, so he slipped on a pair of blue jeans and headed out to see what went wrong. Possibilities bombarded him as he strode through the bedroom. A really humorous one went through his mind as he opened the door.

He looked out into the kitchen to see Mattie busy at the counter churning up fruit and assorted juices together in the blender to make some breakfast smoothies. "Oh, that's what it was," JC said, a smile playing about his lips. "For a moment I thought Cousin Jackie had dropped in for a visit and was practicing her solo for church this morning."

Mattie cast him an annoyed glance but couldn't help but snicker at the derogatory comment. In a way, JC wasn't that far off. His cousin at one time had been a very talented singer. Aunt Edith had discovered Jackie's singing ability back many years ago when she was still in grammar school, so she signed her up for singing lessons. Jackie had since performed in numerous community stage productions and had actually attempted a career as a professional. But years of raising kids, yelling at said kids, and yelling at her husband had taken their toll. Her voice, once so clear that it would all but shatter a glass, had gone long past its 'Best Before' date.

JC had made numerous jokes about it. He first compared Jackie's singing voice to a car that wouldn't start, then an older starter that was in need of a rebuild. Then he talked about the typical soloist tuning in for a song, where the accompanying pianist would strike a note, then the singer would sing the same note. JC would mimmick the note and then mimmick the grinding sound of the Osterizer blender. Every family reunion, those in attendance had to endure Jackie singing her heart out. Of course, JC and several adolescent cousins all grimaced and cupped their hands over their ears.

The trouble was: Jackie still thought she was as good as she ever was. One could blame her mother for that. Aunt Edith was always giving her those sickening compliments, praising her to death and assuring her that she was better than ever. Of course, JC had to add that shortly after uttering those compliments, Aunt Edith probably plugged her hearing aids back in; she had to be deaf as a post.

There was a time when JC's father had stopped in at Uncle Norman and Aunt Edith's condo for a visit. Jackie was there at the time and she was practicing her singing, with Aunt Edith accompanying on the piano. JC's dad and Uncle Norman were engaged in deep conversation, talking alternately about ranching and politics, both of which dealt with offing some idiot politicians. The family cat was dozing on a pillow at the end of the couch. Everything was relatively peaceful.

Then it happened. Jackie opened her taps right up and shot out a shriek that was so shrill that it broke some of the glass panels in the Seattle Space Needle a couple thousand miles away. JC was sure that the traffic signal on the street below suddenly went to a flashing red, forcing all the cars all to resort to alternating with a Vroom--screech, vroom--screech, as they attempted to proceed through the intersection. Everyone's ears went fuzzy and their eyesight was permanently blurred. The cat, once having a peaceful snooze, suddenly sprang straight up in the air, then bolted down the hardwood floor of the hallway, tried to make a ninety-degree turn at the end of the hallway, and in doing so encountered a loose scatter rug, which shot out from underneath him, causing the cat and the rug to have a major wreck against the closet doors at the end of the hall. The cat got itself back on its feet and charged under the bed turning around to peek out at what disaster had suddenly hit the household.

Jackie suddenly stopped singing then turned to glare at her dad and uncle who were killing themselves laughing. Of course, she thought they were laughing at her. If the truth be known, she might have been correct at that assumption. But they were also laughing at the cat, and those two tiny lights staring at them from under the bed.

It's really too bad that parts of the body go south before everything else does. Jackie loved to sing and perform; it was unfortunate that her voice was broken long before the rest of her. I'm sure that someday, when she makes that journey into the great beyond, like Jim Reeves' Brother Eyer, she'll be reunited with her once beautiful singing voice, and be able to entertain thousands, looking forward to some beautiful sounds. And she will no longer have to deal with the likes of JC and his band of merry men (and women) grimacing and acting like it was the worst sound since neutering a cat, the old-fashioned way...